If Only You Knew...

Some of us waste our lives...obsessed with and infused by fear. Even our risks are calculated, thought out, and analyzed. People think we're edgy and rebellious. They admire the way we go against the grain, refusing to care what people think. Everyone knows that we'll do whatever we want to do, whenever we want to do it. We're untameable. We move with the wind and we refuse to commit to anything but life itself.

Yes indeed. We're so damn cool from surface-view. Everybody wants to be like us. But, there's only one problem. We hate ourselves.

The most rebellious people I know, including myself, are obsessed with order. We hunger for lives that mimic movies (fairy tales). We want a spouse who won't ever leave or cheat. We want low-risk jobs that overpay. We want houses with picket fences. We want our parents to live forever and be the ideal grandparents to our ideal children. We want it all...and somewhere along the way...we realized that having it all wasn't an option. And since most of us live with an "all or nothing" mentality...we give up on everything that we really want in order to avoid dying from the heartbreak that accompanies disappointment. We figure that if we don't expect much for ourselves, life will be easier and less eventful.

Each time we're hurt or let down, our standards lower. Instead of the fairy-tale marriages we once dreamt of, we start looking for lovers who can't cause pain...who aren't powerful enough to break our hearts. We start holding on to people who aren't worth our time...because they keep us comfortable. And when family/friends tell us that we can do better...we spit in their faces and defensively protect our little, raggedy ass piece of the pie.

And relationships aren't the most brutal example. We perform below our potential in almost every area of life. We want so much, but settle for mediocre lives that are typical and, well, downright pathetic. And as sad as that is, most of us will acknowledge that truth and do nothing about it. We'd rather protect pride and egos than share ourselves with people and opportunities that could change us forever.

I don't want to be the rebel without a cause anymore. I don't want to sabotage myself anymore. I don't want to give all of myself to someone else in order to avoid giving myself to, well, MYSELF. It's just ridiculously foolish to live life halfway. I'd rather start to chase the things I want and deserve, no matter how terrified I get, than to sit back and safely try to slide through this miraculous life.

I believe that this life has beautiful opportunities for me, waiting just beyond the darkest forest I'll ever know. I think that, on the other side of that massive mountain, my promised land is complete with a beautiful marriage...healthy children...a fulfilling career...and the strength to face every giant that attempts to intimidate and break me.

So how about you? What are you waiting for? If only you knew...how much this life has to offer you, you would get off your scared ass and join me. You'd chase your dreams relentlessly. ;-)