The "Home Boy" Syndrome

Thousands of women are affected, daily, by a syndrome that they won't even acknowledge...and this syndrome is detrimental to the potential development of a relationship. Every woman I know has suffered from it or knows someone who has it right now...it's a syndrome that sneaks into the equation and eventually poisons a connection and leaves nothing behind but the residue of old love and good memories.

I consider it my duty to expose such monstrous tendencies, which become habits and eventually get filed into the permenant category..."syndromes". I'm sharing because I've been there and I'm sharing because you might be there right now. Let me dissect the entire definition of home boy for you so that we're clear on a few things.

HOME BOY: Someone 1)who is reliable and consistent 2)who is willing to be supportive and accepting, no matter what 3)who isn't demanding and overbearing like women in pursuit of a relationship 'typically' are...4)who has no true title or role and cannot 'legitimately' petition against...anything 5)who is sexually involved with someone who has made no commitment and has no intention of making a commitment

Now, most women I know are well aware of what it takes to be the home boy because we've all either voluntarily accepted that role or have been subjected to the role. As far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter how you got there...just get the hell out! Fast. Because this syndrome is a one-way route to a lifetime of disappointments.

If you find yourself biting your tongue each and every time someone you're involved with talks about a future that doesn't involve you in it or every time that person emphasizes how important having personal space is, you're most likely suffering from the home boy syndrome.

Because, let's just be real, you want to seem like you're down for whatever (meaning you are willing to go with the flow and let things just 'happen'). I'm here to tell you hunny...nothing is going to just 'happen' if you allow yourself to constantly be downgraded to the friend role each and every time some one that you're loving decides that he or she is 'searching for self' or 'taking some time to heal'...from a relationship that ended in 1999.

It's all bullsh!t and you know it. Somewhere deep down...though you're waiting for a proposal or a commitment or to hold hands in public...you are well aware that a woman who doesn't express her expectations is never going to be respected or revered or appreciated. And she certainly will never be anyone's wife.

I'm just being raw...because I think the home boy syndrome is preventing the women in my life and in my generation overall from being authentically happy. You're worth more but you live like you're worthless. And don't get me wrong, not for a minute. I know what it is to keep denying your right to be someone's only priority in fear of losing that person as a part of your life. Sometimes it feels better to have someone hold you twice a week, than not to have someone hold you at all. It's better to have a missed call every once in a while than to never have any activity in your call log...right? Not necessarily.

Not if, every time you try to express your right to be respected...you're reminded that you signed over your rights when you started laying with someone who always calls you 'friend' when introducing you to the outside world. On holidays, you're put it your place because you have no right to gifts or a date or...a phone call.

The fact that you'll always be around doesn't make you a hero...it makes you a back up plan. And the saddest reality about the syndrome, is that it's becoming a norm. Until you (or your sister, cousin, whoever) is able to say "I deserve your love. I deserve your respect and commitment, exclusively."...You're just going to live your life as everybody's homie. The one that everybody comes back to, eventually. And that's not honorable...that's just the food chain for the restless & lonely.


Signing out,

NNL