Once every 7 years or so, I'm awestruck by the celestial timing of things. Today, I'm literally stunned/stilled by the wisdom I just received from a woman I've talked with on numerous occasions...but never shared life stories with (I don't think she even knows my last name). We've never gotten beyond the kind-hearted, Southern greetings. We've never hugged...or cried together. But, the way that she just spoke to my heart has me convinced that she's been carrying this little seed of brilliance since she met me. And I have no choice but to forward it on to you.
For the sake of the story, we'll call her Michelle. Now-Michelle is a Southern Belle in the worst way. She was raised in Georgia, talks with a twang and walks with a Beyonce switch. She thinks her doodoo don't stink. She has a daughter that I nicknamed "diva" because she's only 3 yrs old and her attitude is twice her size. I think they're both adorable. For whatever reason, Michelle felt talkative today. We exchanged light comments about the weather...cost of living in our cute suburbia town...etc.
In the middle of our dialogue (while I was holding "diva" on my hip)...my loud, obnoxious, unattractive, and seemingly drunken co-worker blurts out the following: "AWW! YOU LOOK SO GOOD HOLDING THAT BABY. YOU REALLY NEED A BABY OF YOUR OWN."
I immediately put Diva down, held up my hands and, with my index fingers, formed a cross because I was convinced that this delusional nutcase was trying to put some sort of voodoo hex on me. She was so unneccesarily enthusiastic about the idea of me having a child-like-today. (I should inform you that I'm not married...and I can barely afford my lifestyle. I have no idea how I'd provide for a child).
Michelle passionately whispered to me, "DON'T LET THAT CRAZY B(with an)ITCH TELL YOU THAT YOU NEED TO RUSH AND HAVE KIDS. YOU'RE DOING FINE AS YOU ARE."
That's what started our 1-hour pow wow about women, relationships, and children. Michelle told me that she was proud of me (though she barely knows me) for representing women well by not rushing to have a baby with some man who doesn't know if he's coming or going. She reminded me that young women are going about "catching a man" all wrong. She said that we're all trying to catch men between our legs instead of with our hearts.
I was inspired to share that tidbit because I've noticed that when I really care about someone I tend to withhold the most intimate portions of myself for as long as possible. I don't like to hand out my love like samples of mixed nuts at the grocery store. I was raised to believe that I'm unique and phenomenal. So, I live that way. I think the problem is that most women want so desperately to be accepted that they reject their personal standards in order to get the attention of men who really can't tell one hole from the other. I'm not trying to be vulgar...but if we keep putting ourselves in these assembly lines and trying to fit in, we'll never stand out in any man's memory.
Show him something he hasn't seen recently. Show him something authentic. Remind him that good conversation isn't found via text at 3am. Don't be flattered when he buys you one watered-down drink and some hush puppies from Cook-Out. Your love is worth more than $9(the cost of the drink and the hush puppies).
I'm no saint. I can't say that enough. People seem to think I'm sharing from some stage of devout perfection. And that couldn't be further from the truth. The truth is: I'm not willing to have a broken heart while attempting to capture some man's heart the wrong way. Sex isn't what really intrigues anybody these days because it's readily available and watered down...
What's intriguing is finding 1 person out of the thousands you'll be exposed to daily, that you actually want to interact with...share your ideas with...grow with...and potentially, love. Love isn't extinct. But it is endangered.
The key to his heart isn't in your panties...it's in your feminine touch, your embrace, your kindness, your beauty, your intelligence and ultimately, your self-worth. If you don't think you're worth loving, you'll always give away free samples of your body. And you'll always wake up alone...wondering what you're doing wrong.
I promise.
2 comments:
First off, I would like to say hi! I'm new to your blog and what I've read so far is extremely refreshing. It's nice to read something online that is relevant.
Sadly enough, the comment that your co-worker made about you needing a baby of your own is the mentality that so many women have about building a family. I think that these reinforcements are made through the media. We've all seen the "struggling single mother with kids meets a man, gets swept off of her feet, lives happily ever after" movies. Its even being taught to younger generations with shows like "16 and pregnant". I guess this long rant is just to say that since its ingrained in our society, its that much harder to overcome. Not that its impossible, just that women need to realize that we have a higher purpose that doesn't involve our sexual prowess because that should be reserved for the man that we choose, and not the one grabbing our ass in the club.
Rymonda- Your comment was so powerful and accurate that I think it should be its own blog. I particularly enjoyed the following:
"...just that women need to realize that we have a higher purpose that doesn't involve our sexual prowess because that should be reserved for the man that we choose, and not the one grabbing our ass in the club."
You're so insightful and I'm really glad that we connected on this topic. Look forward to more of your feedback.
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