There is nothing like being 20-something. There is nothing like having life-altering decisions to make every day and having no means of answering the questions that life is constantly asking. I am lost in the midst of all things essential. There are so many avenues, so many opportunities, and so many pot holes. I love being young, don't get me wrong. But I would love to have a compass that actually works out here in the wilderness.
I moved back to Pleasantville 6 months ago with the intentions to grow as a journalist and an individual. I was excited about attending school at a respectable university in the area in order to get my masters. I thought that it was finally time to really "be somebody". And what I found is-the reality that I really already liked who I was becoming. When I left this region of North Carolina, 5 years ago, to go to undergrad I was a completely different young woman. I was dependant on my parents for everything. I couldn't even wash clothes, cook anything besides scrambled eggs, or wash my hair by myself. I was beyond crippled. I was just shameful.
And now, I fend for myself the best that I can. My decisions are my own and I am in love with my ability to survive in spite of obstacles and limitations. So, moving back to this town and trying to pick up where I left off....is not as fulfilling as I'd hoped it would be. I don't feel at home here. I feel like the people who reside here are (for the most part) shallow and materialistic. Everyone is worried about brand names and square footage. And, though I grew up appreciating those same things, I really no longer give a damn.
All I want now is piece of mind and to give the world a piece of my mind. I want to spend my days in love and my nights making love. I want to sleep in on the weekends rather than at a second job that helps pay for my expensive habits. I want to enjoy art and watch good movies. I want to keep learning and growing. I want to enjoy being young. I don't want to start having kids just because that's what everyone else is doing. And, in this area, that's exactly what everyone else seems to be doing.
I never thought I'd say this about the little city in which I went to college, but...G-boro...I'm coming home. I miss your pot holes and broken sidewalks. I miss your dark alleys and random side streets. I miss Elm Street and the lack of activity on Friday nights. I miss that delicious Japanese food that can only be found at Kobe. I miss Bellini's at Bravo. I miss Guilford College's fuunny smelling library. I miss it all. And after all these years, I'm smart enough to know that if you miss something enough...you'll find a way to get it back.
That's just what I intend to do. I'm coming home.
4 comments:
there is nothing like a long-overdue homecoming. you seem to be right on track with assessing and evaluating life's really tough decisions to the best of your ability, and that is all that matters. parents, let's all say it together, 'are generally fuck-ups'. they don't know what they are doing and they like to pretend like they are all-knowing. you seem to be right on target with letting yourself develop and come to the stop for parenthood when it's your turn to make that trip, and that's beautiful. keep up the good work (soul-searching i mean)!
miss.authintiqqq~
I can't tell you how proud I am of your decision. As young adults and activists with unlimited potential, we are often told to go the distance. Far, far away. Sometimes, the journey is in our own mind. From the place of I wanna be somebody, to the place of I AM somebody....ALREADY. I'm learning this same lesson and it has landed me right back in Atlanta. Hooray for you! And besides, Greensboro needs more cool people, the ratios are getting a bit low. :-)
Thank you both...for warmly encouraging me to follow my own North Star. I am fighting to be exactly who I was destined to be. :-)
CUANDO?!? I'll be ready for the welcome home party :)
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