Pursue Life.

I spend a lot of time planning. I spend more time planning than I do living and that reality is both unfortunate and disappointing. When I was a little girl, I planned my life out on a tiny timeline constructed with a marker and a clouded mentality nurtured by the expectations of those who raised me. (I was brainwashed).

On that timeline, sat all that I sought after. I wanted everything that little girls who wore bows and polka dots should want. I wanted the big house with the 4-car garage, the man who could mold a replica sculpture of David out of cement...with his bare hands, and a job that only required me to show up on Tuesdays around 3pm.

I wanted to attend an Ivy League college, drive the most expensive foreign car that parents can buy, and weigh just a little more than Paris Hilton. I, essentially, aimed to be the "quintessential" American woman. Even more hilarious, all of this was supposed to be accomplished by age 25. (I'm laughing hysterically now). Because, at 23, I am no where near Paris Hilton's size. Perez, maybe, but not Paris.

Additionally, my Ivy League education is on lay-away. I am too busy burning the envelopes that contain the threatening warnings from Sallie Mae about my upcoming balances to think about paying a dime toward my Harvard graduate studies. My "big house" is a two bedroom condo in Pleasantville that makes me tired whenever I attempt to clean it. Subsequently, I don't need a 4-car garage. I need a scooter and a fanny pack to get me from point A to point B. And as far as the husband with the hands of a Greek god, I'll pass. I've made other arrangements ;-)

My point? Who gives a flying fu** about time lines and plans and arrangements and deadlines? Really. If life went according to plan, we'd all be bored out of our minds. I am convinced that, in this life, I am nothing more than a stubborn main character in the novel that God is authoring. I try to control the plot, fall in love with easily intimidated co-characters, and express my disgust with how He's designed me. But, in the end, I have absolutely nothing to do with what happens in the end. I'm just here to make this journey sexy.

I am throwing my time line away. I am throwing a lot of stale expectations and due dates away too. I have no desire to live this way. I have no desire to wake up to a voicemail box full of expectations. I'm making a new list now. A bucket list complete with everything that I want to do before I kick the bucket. Item #1? Take a nap whenever I want.

...I feel a yawn coming on...