Ugh. There will never be enough profane language, enough suggestive gestures, or enough satire to wash away the disgust that sits in the pit of my stomach at this moment. I will never be clever enough, immune enough, or powerful enough to stop hating this irritating tug of helplessness and fury. I can't figure out how to make the pain stop and make the joy begin. I'm so battered...so bruised.I was attacked today. I was viciously beaten. And the only weapon used...was a Bible...
I grew up in the church, the A.M.E and the Baptist church to be specific. I was raised to trust God, to believe in Christ, and to celebrate the reality that all who worship the Lord will go to heaven. I was encouraged to preserve my purity and to obey those who fed me. And all of what I was asked to do, I did. For the most part.
But today, I speak out against the oppression and the subsequent depression that can accompany religion. I speak out because there is so much that I do not agree with, so much that makes me nauseous. And though I consider myself to be one of the lucky ones, my heart wrenches each time I think of the beautiful people who have been chastised and labeled "SINNERS" based on the narrow confines of the church. I am lucky because I still love God and trust in Him. Even after all of the destruction I have seen, even after being brutally attacked with the Bible...I still believe. And I'm able to believe because I don't think God has anything to do with the foolish tirads of hateful individuals who spend their days finding innocent people to victimize and criticize. I don't think God hires anyone to be the HOLY HUNTER and capture sinners and force them to repent. I don't believe that God shoves His Word down the throats of those who are not prepared or interested in the intensity of religion. And though I have not met God personally, I don't believe He is half the monster that most of his followers choose to be.
I don't want anyone else to throw scriptures at me. I don't want anyone else to assume that I need healing or saving or purifying. I am tired of being harassed. For starters, I think spirituality is very personal. I think that it should be. What I share with the Most High is authentic and based on pure love and no prejudices. I don't want to be grouped with people who are hateful, hurtful, and ugly. We are not alike. I am not your sister. Until I meet just one other person who loves people the way I do, without all the damn rules, regulation and religion...I don't want to discuss my relationship with God. Enough is enough. Live your life and I'll live mine.
And, in case you're wondering, I wasn't literally beaten with a Bible today...but I received yet another message of inspiration filled with holy tidbits. And I need it to stop. Immediately.
10 comments:
Well, Miss, that must've taken some real courage to write.
It's never easy expressing a controversial opinion on religion, especially if you've been raised in a religious household. It must be so tough feeling like prejudiced and self-righteous people are trying to speak for you about your relationship with God. It definitely sucks getting negative/preachy feedback from people who try to tell you how you should live your life (trust me), but I admire your determination to leave that criticism behind and cultivate your sense of spirituality in your own way. I'm sure that God won't mind at all, so long as you live a compassionate and generous life - which I'm absolutely certain you're doing.
Lots of love
missunderstood- i totally understand this! great post, can't wait to read more <3
I think that when people point you for something, they are just being hypocrites. We are humans and we all make mistakes and commit sins, so no human being can judge you, and if they do, most of the times they have done something worst. Repression also makes me sick... Is wearing a mini skirt is a sin? If for some reason you die and you are wearing a miniskirt, are they going to ban you from heaven? NO!!! I think that God loves me, even thought I make a lot of mistakes, because I'm always searching for ways to be a better person.
Wow, the topic of Religion! Gosh I would need a whole exercise book to address the topic in it's entirety, but I'll keep this short. When I was growing up my parents sent me to church, they didn't take me, they sent me and my brother and it was more Sunday School than the actual church service. It was there I learned about God and was trained to believe in Jesus, but after seeing an actual service at that particular church, I realized I didn't want to be a part of that. Why should I spend a lovely Sunday in uncomfortable clothes having a man call me a sinner and berate me? So in the end we stopped going to church and I developed a personal relationship with God. I don't need someone else to tell me I am loved or that there is something greater than me. I also opened myself to other modes of thought when it came to the concept of God. How dare we bring God to our level, thinking he cares if we sin or not, if he did, why did he give us free will? Why haven't we gotten struck down my lightening when we do bad things? Some people need religion to find order in their lives and that is their thing, but no one should impose their beliefs on others. I believe the Bible says that God will judge us when we die, then why are others doing God's job while we are alive? Just my thoughts.
Whoa, I felt like I was reading a page from my diary. I can understand exactly what you wrote. People sometimes don't understand, my spirtual feelings or relationship with god, is somethig I feel close to my heart and don't always think it needs to be shared.
@ the girl-you are so beautiful. Thanks for the encouragement. And yes, I do my best to love people through the principles of compassion and selflessness.
@ pretty robotic-i'm glad you enjoy my honesty. you're among the few ;-)
@ anna-if more people would worry about being better instead of being holy-rollers, this world would be more peaceful and inclusive
@Kimolisa-you're so right! as i said, God didn't hire anyone to be the heavenly police so the persecution needs to stop. asap.
@i bleed pink- i'm glad you can relate. sometimes i feel like my views are obsolete. it's inspiring to know there are others out there who get tired of the redundant pyschobabble from sumo-religious individuals.
That was something..i mean the beaten up part. To say the truth, i have never heard of such things. Might be i am lame. But when you speak of religion and god and his ways, humanity is the religion and god is god. What you say is perfect.
Isnt it much easier to let these followers answer a simple question...and that is are they human? Well, they are and humans do err. And hence do they. I think you will prefer getting purified by god than a human or humans who indulge in moronic behavior to quench their bit of ugly than being able to accept it as the common prefer to. They, i guess, fear to face. Life is easier when u say of god or suggest a way as that of god. Doing it upon one's own self is hard and bold. After all when was a human able to stand on his own?
I'm sorry that people have been being such jerks to you lately! It's definately not up to any of us to assume things about another person's relationship with God. Some people are very good at talking the talk but are so far off base in how they treat others, aren't they? I've been there. I'm glad that type of stuff doesn't affect your personal relationship with God! (Although I hope I'm not being one of those people by saying that!!!! I'm not trying to be :) Best Wishes!
It is often times that people tend to use God for their own shortcomings, as a vice if you will. We often forget though that God is a loving God and does forgive even the most haneous of crimes. However most people are just human and hence dont really understand this. However understand this much, i do. People are afraid of what they dont know, people are afraid of something or someone who dares to be different from what they deem normal. And most people ACT. they act holier than thou to cover up their own sins. So i say that you should just be who you are, live the life you want to live because you only get one chance at this-life.
cultivate your relationship with God according to your standards and what you believe in your heart is true. No one can tell you this, only YOU and GOD himself know.
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